It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
by Midnight-sama
Summary: When the authoress finally gets tired of her muses’ childish antics, she gives them an ultimatum: find a house of your own or face death by spork. Unfortunately for their new neighbors, they chose life.... and this neighborhood.


**I don't own anything but this crack-filled plot and everyone is going to be EXTREMELY out of character. There is also an overabundance of slash (boy on boy) and there will be lots of pop culture references, but more in future chapters. I would just like to say this will possibly be the most crack-filled crack!fic you have ever read.**

**There's something that may resemble a plot but I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. I wanted to write something silly and I hope that I succeeded. I also hope that you will enjoy it without wondering why your brain isn't trying to escape through your nose or your ears after reading this...**

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Chapter One: "A Stranger's Just a Friend You've Never Met"

_In which there is spying on of new neighbors and gross exploitation of Roxas' appreciation of music._

Riku eyed the third moving van suspiciously.

"How many people did you see," he asked Sora.

"…Instead of peeking through the curtains like nosy, old women why don't you just go over there," Axel asked as he walked by.

"What if they're weird," Sora asked with a frown.

Axel stared blankly at the shorter boy then sighed.

"Sora, you fight evil with a key," he slowly said, "a giant key."

Riku snickered then began coughing when Sora glared at him.

"Better a key than something you hang wind chimes off," Sora said with a smirk as he continued to look out the window.

"At least my shorts don't double as a flotation device, sweet cheeks," Axel quipped with a grin.

Sora rolled his eyes but couldn't fight back a smile.

"Not everyone looks as good in a man dress as you, fire starter," he shot back.

"…I think I just saw a family of blow up dolls."

Axel immediately joined them at the window.

"That was my foot!"

"It'll grow back," Axel absent-mindedly said.

"Is that," Sora paused as he narrowed his eyes, "Cloud? It is! Thanks goodness, at least we know who's moving in now," he sighed in relief. "I'm gonna go over and say hi!"

Riku and Axel grunted in response then Sora pouted.

"You're not coming with me, Riku," he asked in a small voice.

Axel was torn between spying on their new neighbors and seeing Riku manipulated into doing something that he would later on think was his own idea.

However, what Axel didn't realize was that Riku already realized that so Axel was more than surprised when the silver-haired boy willingly left the window then opened the door.

"I love you," Sora solemnly said.

Riku shrugged then took Sora by the hand and led him outside.

"Why aren't we like that?"

The fact that Roxas could suddenly appear behind you without making a single sound used to scare the crap out of Axel. Now he just wondered when Roxas was going to tell him that he was a ninja.

"We both possess penises and when you're mad at me you make me sleep on the couch," Axel said while still looking out the window.

"So basically what you're telling me is that I'm a bitch and you're a jerk," Roxas flatly said.

**_DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!_**

"No."

"No?" All you have to say is "No," Roxas said as the temperature in the room went down seven degrees.

"What I'm saying is that you're so hot that I can't keep my hands off of you and that it was wrong to try to talk you into having sex in your parent's house," Axel said as he finally turned away from the window. "Kinky… but very wrong," he quickly added as Roxas raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm a sick, sick man," Axel helplessly admitted.

Roxas gave him a Look then finally noticed how quiet the house was.

"Where's my brother," he casually asked.

"New neighbors across the street so he went to go say hello and took Riku with him so… Why are you looking at me like that?! You look at meat like that and I am not your hot dog with ketchup, mustard, and relish, mister! I'm-"

"If you shut up and meet me upstairs in the next twenty seconds I'll let you top," Roxas threw over his shoulder as he was already halfway up the stairs.

"I'm shutting up and right behind you," Axel said as he stumbled after his best friend/sometimes boyfriend/partner in crime when Demyx was busy/something Nine Inch Nails or Placebo would sing about…

"Closer," Roxas offered as he lounged shirtless on the bed while Axel stood in the doorway.

"…I was actually thinking "Post Blue" but that's also nice."

"…"Post Blue?"

"It's in the water, baby, it's in the pills that pick you up," Axel quietly sang as he climbed on top of Roxas. "It's in the water, baby, it's in the special way we fuck. It's in the water, baby, it's in your family tree. It's in the water, baby, it's between you and me," he whispered as he nipped at Roxas' neck.

"…I think I like that," Roxas admitted with a shiver.

"We can also go back to "Pretty Piece of Flesh," Roxy…"

"Which one was that?'

"Stars collide, worlds divide with a pretty piece of flesh," Axel purred. "Your little pretty piece of flesh. Stars collide, worlds divide with a pretty piece of flesh. Your little pretty piece of flesh," Axel breathed against Roxas' skin as he slowly slithered down his body.

"What are you do… **GUH.** Never mind just… _Wow_."

"…Mmmmm?"

"No! No," Roxas calmly repeated. "You stay down there and I'll just… I'll just hold on to something," he muttered as he pushed a slightly shaky hand through his hair.

"Mmmm."

"…I don't know how you're able to do that and smirk at the same time but I'm impressed."

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**...If you survived reading this then please review****.**


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